As an Asexual, I Find the Idea of Grey(a)sexuality Useful

In Siggy’s piece ‘Many Ways to Be Between’, he defines gray-As and demisexuals to be people for whom ‘asexual’ is not an an accurate description, but still find asexuality a useful idea.

In the same sense, I, as someone for whom ‘asexual’ currently is an accurate description, find the idea of grey-(a)sexuality useful.

First of all, I think, from the age of 15-19, it would have been more accurate to label myself as ‘grey-asexual’, and when I first considered self-identifying on the ace-spectrum, I considered calling myself ‘gray-asexual’. However, over the past five years or so, I haven’t really experienced sexual attraction, so for my current state, ‘asexual’ seems to be the more accurate label/identity. However, having a word for my situation as a teenager makes it easier to understand my own experiences, and to see that there was a change.

However, I think the most useful thing about the concept of gray-Aness is that it frees me to be whatever I am.

I haven’t had any encounters with external asexual-police (probably because I’ve never joined AVEN or Tumblr, the two centers of online ace-spectrum communities), but I do have an internalized asexual-police officer, who sometimes questions whether I’m really asexual enough to be ‘asexual’. Did I think about sex for a minute? INFRACTION OF THE ASEXUAL CODE!!!!

Of course, any definition of heterosexual beyond ‘heterosexual unless proven otherwise [with ridiculously high standards of evidence]’ (aka heteronormativity) does not fit me either – it didn’t even fit me as a teenager. So if my internalized asexual-police officer declared me unfit to be asexual, well then, I would be erased from the map.

Ah, but I can’t be erased from the map, because of the buffer-zone of gray-Aness. If, somehow, I do get disqualified from the asexual-club, but am not still qualified to enter the heterosexual club (and I seriously doubt I will ever qualify for that membership), that’s okay, because it just means I’ve become a gray-A (again).

In short, I don’t have to worry about whether or not I’m ‘asexual’ enough or not because, no matter how my sexuality (or lack thereof) expresses itself, I know that I will always fit in somewhere. So I can just chill, and be myself.


CC0

To the extent possible under law,
the person who associated CC0
with this work has waived all copyright and related or neighboring
rights to this work.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “As an Asexual, I Find the Idea of Grey(a)sexuality Useful

  1. Pingback: Linkspam: May 31st, 2013 | The Asexual Agenda

  2. Pingback: Who would have thought that this blog would last four years… | The Notes Which Do Not Fit

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s