‘Sex-Positivity’ for the June Carnival of Aces

This is for the June carnival of Aces

I do not think there is a standard definition of ‘sex-positivity’, since even supporters of sex-positivity do not seem to have a unified definition. It seems the most common meaning is ‘sex-positivity’ are ‘removing social stigma from sex and sexual beavhior/things’, though even that comes in different variants. For example, what counts as ‘social stigma’? Though most ‘sex-positive’ people are strongly in favor of promoting and encouraging safer sex practices to prevent STIs, I’ve seen one person claim that emphasizing STI-prevention feels ‘sex-negative’.

There also seems to be another brand of ‘sex-positivity’ which is focused on increasing sexual activity/expression among people in general … and that if people do not *secretly* want it, there is something wrong with them.

A lot of how I identify depends on where I feel welcome. Some self-proclaimed ‘sex-positive’ people are supportive of asexuality, or at least aware and open-minded about it. Some self-proclaimed ‘sex-positive’ people have also shown themselves to be very prejudiced towards asexuals (Dan Savage is a well-known example). In my experience, the vast majority of ‘sex-positive’ people are simply very ignorant of asexuality – which often leads them to saying exclusionary and thoughtlessly hurtful remarks.

Even though I think most of the hurtful actions of the sex-positive community towards ace-spectrum people is unintentional, it’s enough for me not to want to be in their club.

That’s not to say I support sex-negativity, since ‘sex-negativity’ it at least as harmful to people on the ace-spectrum (and much more harmful to humanity as a whole), as demonstrated in (TW: rape) this story.

Currently, I consider myself ‘sex-neutral’. I support removing the social stigmas attached to sex, but just because I do not want it to be stigmatized does not mean I want to put it on a pedestal. I think the best thing to do is to strip sex of as much default/automatic meaning as possible. This gives people the most freedom to define their individual (a)sexuality, and I think it makes it easier to be honest.

I think the particular ace-commutities I interact with generally are ‘sex-neutral’ like myself, neither ‘sex-positive’ nor ‘sex-negative’. I do not, however, think this is true of every ace-community.


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