A photo of a spotted dove taken by Dick Daniels.
When I first learned that the theme for this month’s Carnival of Aces is ‘change’, I was at a loss of how to respond.
I have been living in Taiwan for a few years … and I’m leaving next month.
I’ve identified as asexual since before I moved to Taiwan.
Since I started IDing as ace, my diet has changed, my weight has changed, my language has changed (when I started identifying as asexual I spoke about three words of Mandarin; now I use Mandarin more than English in face-to-face speech), my means of exercise have changed (I do very little dancing now, but I’ve become an avid hiker!), I have gone from being a native to being a foreigner, my opinions of the political economy have changed a lot, my health problems have changed, the environment (as in climate, ecology, etc.) I’m in has changed a lot, the *water* has changed, my reading habits have changed, my financial situation has had really wide swings, my social life has had several upheavals, my dreams and long-term goals have changed, and so on and so on and so on.
My lack of sexual/romantic attraction? That’s been constant. And my sexual abstinence even more so.
One, this is evidence that asexuality is a sexual orientation. Though sexual fluidity happens, more people do not experience major shifts in their sexual orientation, regardless of how much their personal lives change.
Two, I do not see any holes in my life left by ‘missing’ sex or romance.
So, with all of the changes in my life, trying to figure out how anything related to asexuality has changed is like trying to hear the cooing pearl-necked doves during torrential rain as noisy construction machines remodel the ground floor of your concrete building and people sing karaoke loudly just below you.
And yet, I can sometimes hear pearl-necked doves cooing while I sit by my laptop in my apartment, writing blog posts.
There have been changes in the way I have experienced asexuality since I started identifying as ace, and I sometimes discuss it in this blog. In an earlier draft, I even tried to talk about it in this post. But as I’m unravelling my way of life and figuring out how to put it back together, what’s apparent to me is not how my experience of asexuality has changed, but how my experience of asexuality has NOT changed.
Ily at Asexy Beast has commented that she thinks that having quiet time alone with ones thoughts might be necessary for realizing that one is asexual. I think she has a point. If I were not already identifying as ace, I would not start now since I have way to many other things keeping my mind preoccupied.
Rather than pushing my ears to hear the cooing of the pearl-necked doves, I’ll yield to the torrential rain, construction work, and karaoke – and admit that I don’t hear the doves right now.
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