December 2014 Carnival of Aces “Touch, Sensuality, and Non-Sexual Physical Intimacy”: Call for Submissions

I am hosting the Carnival of Aces again!

This month the theme is ‘Touch, Sensuality, and Non-Sexual Physical Intimacy’. You can submit anything which is related to this theme and being on the ace-spectrum. If you submit something non-textual (such as a picture, a video, etc.) please provide a text description and/or a transcript.

If you want some inspiration, here are a few prompts:

– As someone on the ace-spectrum, what kinds of experiences with touch have you had?
– Do you want your closest relationships to include touch? Do they already include touch, and what kind?
– What attitudes towards touch does society have? How does this impact ace-spectrum folk?
– What is the difference between sexual and non-sexual touch?
– Do you even feel pressured to engage in non-sexual touch / physical intimacy / sensuality, either within or outside of ace spaces?

If that’s not enough inspiration, here are some things which have already been written about asexuality and touch:

Things That Bother Me by Nathaniel
Differentiating sensual touch from sexual touch by Hezekiah the (meta)pianycyst
Graphing Physical and Emotional Closeness by Jo
The Physical Touch Escalator, Asexual Intimacy Is Good, and The Shifting Meanings of Physical Intimacy and Touch by the Thinking Asexual
Touch, by David Jay
Wordsmithing for Nonsexual Touch by Spade

Your submission can be like the above, or it can be completely different as long as it still fits the theme.

How to Submit

You can submit by:

1) commenting on this post
2) sending an email to DecemberCarnivalofAces@thenotes.e4ward.com – please put ‘Carnival of Aces’ in the subject. If I do not reply within 3 days, assume I did not receive your email, and try again.

I can host guest posts, and I can make guest posts anonymous if requested.

I intend to publish the round-up post on January 2nd, but since this call for submissions came a little late, I will accept submissions until January 10th and update the round-up post accordingly.

I look forward to your submissions!


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31 thoughts on “December 2014 Carnival of Aces “Touch, Sensuality, and Non-Sexual Physical Intimacy”: Call for Submissions

  1. Pingback: December 2014 Carnival of Aces | Alice's Rainbow

  2. Okay, here goes
    1) I was in a relationship once, and we did a lot of touching, including sexual touching, but never to the point of actually having sex. It was awkward for me at first, but I ended up liking touch. I was indifferent towards sexual touching, but I really liked the nonsexual touching. To me, if I’m with a person I trust that I am in some kind of relationship with, sexual touch is no better or worse than non-sexual touch. I have to really like someone, either platonically or romantically, in order for me to like touching them (non-sexually, but this applies even more to sexual touch.) Even if I don’t actually dislike a person, if I don’t feel a certain bond with them I won’t like touching them(non-sexually). Like friends of my parents and relatives, I don’t like hugging them and I especially do not want to kiss them.
    2) My closest relationships include some touch, but not much. Sometimes my friends and I will poke each other as a joke, or hug each other, but hugging is pretty rare for us. I actually would like to have more nonsexual touch in my platonic relationships. I’m a little bit romance-repulsed, especially since my first and only relationship I’ve been in went pretty badly, but I would like more platonic relationships that involve physical intimacy. Unfortunately, it seems like most of the time that only happens in romantic relationships.It would be nice to be in a platonic relationship where we could cuddle together non-sexually, because the physical intimacy was what I really liked when I was in a non-platonic relationship.
    3.) I can’t speak for all ace-spectrum people, but for me personally? Hmmm… Well, in my experience, I have had people give me hugs when I didn’t want them, and I would pull away from them-not on purpose, it would just happen-and sometimes this would make them almost fall over. This has been since I was very young, and my mom has always made fun of me for it. I feel like society makes it hard for people to say “no” to unwanted touch. For example, often young children will be told to “give [grandpa, grandma, uncle, aunt, whatever] a kiss!” Even though the child usually doesn’t want to, but it’s so much pressure that they give in. So when you grow up, even when someone asks if they can touch you (and unfortunately people often don’t even ask, which irritates me) it’s hard to say “no” because you don’t want to seem impolite or hurt their feelings.
    4.) I think people can define sexual and non-sexual touch in whatever way feels right for them. My personal definition is that non-sexual touch does not include touching the genitals or butt while sexual touch does. Sexual touch can be done while wearing clothes, or not wearing clothes. For example, I consider grinding on the dance floor to be sexual touch, even though everyone has their clothes on.
    5.) I’ve never been in ace communities that are offline, so I cannot speak for them. As far as whether or not I feel pressured to engage in nonsexual touch outside the ace community, I would say yes, sometimes. I think I covered this question in 3.

    • Yours seems to be the first submission! Congratulations!

      Would you prefer to:

      1) post this on your own blog, and then when I do the round-up post, link to the post on your blog or
      2) have put put this on my blog as a guest post and then linked to in the round-up post or
      3) just leave it here in the comments, so that in the round-up post I will link to this comment?

  3. Pingback: Touch Is a Touchy Topic: Introduction | The Notes Which Do Not Fit

  4. Do I feel pressured to engage in non-sexual touching? Bloody hell, yes. This new thing where women are supposed to hug and kiss hello and goodbye. It’s awful. Men who are complete strangers will think they’re entitled to hug me and kiss me on the cheek just because I’m a woman. Equally, women who I don’t know very well and would not touch by choice assume I’m OK with it and give me ‘why are you so odd’ looks when I end up like grasping their upper arms in a vain attempt to keep them away. Seriously. Am I married to you? Am I your mother? No? Then don’t touch me.

    I don’t know whether I’m touch averse because I’m ace or just because I grew up in a family which did very little touching. My husband got me used to being touched by him, and I like being touched by him, though sometimes I get worried because I can’t tell whether he’s trying to progress things to sexual touching or not. (He seems to think cuddling and sex are a spectrum and you can ramp up smoothly from one to the other. I think they’re totally different things, and trying to figure out which one he thinks he’s doing is a source of great angst.)

    When I’m fairly sure this is non-sexual touching, I enjoy being physically in contact with him. And I hug my children and ruffle their hair. Apart from that, I would be very glad if people could actually accept that no, I don’t want a massage, no, I don’t want a hug, in fact a hug will just distress me more, and can we please go back to handshaking for the whole formal hello and goodbye thing?

    • I suggest you read the essay “The Physical Touch Escalator” linked above since it discusses the issue of people assuming cuddling and sex are on the same spectrum.

      Furthermore, I think this comment would make a fine submission to the Carnival of Aces! I can link to this comment directly, or you can post it somewhere and I will link to there, but I will only include this in the round-up post if you say that you want to submit to the Carnival.

      • Link away πŸ™‚ I’ll just leave it here if that’s OK and you can link to it here? That would be great. Thank you! And thanks for the rec of the essay. I’ll go and hunt that down now.

  5. Pingback: Carnival of Aces December 2014: thoughts on touch and intimacy | Alice's Rainbow

  6. Pingback: Touch Is a Touchy Topic: Hugging is for Others, Not for Me | The Notes Which Do Not Fit

  7. Pingback: Don’t take touch for granted, part 1 | Cake at the Fortress

  8. Pingback: Sensual Attraction? People feel that? | From Fandom to Family: Sharing my many thoughts

  9. Pingback: Don’t take touch for granted, part 2 | Cake at the Fortress

  10. Pingback: December 2014 Carnival of Aces Roundup | The Notes Which Do Not Fit

  11. when i was a kid (eight years), i told my mother i do not like being hugged, she said she was too scared to tell her two sisters (my aunts), but that she would stop hugging me. Well, i don’t think that lack of ‘having my back’ did me any service on the ‘trusting fellow man front’. even to this day i do not really trust people and don’t believe anybody can truly be counted on.

    So as a friendless person in the twenty first century, and a newly discovered asexual community to explore with new modes of friendships, i a hoping my ‘touch’ issues do not die with the past but come to life under a better light.

  12. Pingback: Guest Post: If you hug me, I will stab you with this piece of mango. | The Notes Which Do Not Fit

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