Before reading this post, I suggest watching the trailer for the movie Heterosexual Jill (note: trailer depicts a few seconds of non-consexual making out, and contains some mildly sexual content).
As the trailer suggests, the movie is about how the protagonist, Jill, asserts her heterosexuality in face her sexual attraction to women and desire to have sex with them. It’s a comedy.
This film helped me appreciate just how insecure some lesbians feel in their sexual orientations, and how much they are compelled, both by others and themselves, to perform as heterosexuals. It was something I hadn’t really thought about before.
Jill sometimes punishes other people for her own insecurity. For example, she polices Jamie’s sexual identity, claiming that Jamie isn’t acting like a ‘real lesbian’, to which Jamie’s response can be summarized as ‘I am a lesbian, therefore anything I do is a real way to be lesbian by default’. Jill needs Jamie to be the stereotypical lesbian in her head because, since Jill is definitely not like the sterotypical lesbian in her head, she’s not really a lesbian, right? Jamie’s insistence that there isn’t one particular way to be a lesbian means that *gasp* Jill might be a lesbian after all, and that is something that Jill does not want to accept. Jill abuses Jamie ultimately because Jamie is *supposed* to confirm that Jill is really heterosexual, and Jamie isn’t doing what she’s supposed to do.
Though the focus is on Jill, who is apparently sexually attracted only to women, the movie makes clear that the issue of being insecure about one’s sexual identity is broader than that. For example, there is a minor character who describes finding both women and men to be hot, but she really does not want to be a bisexual because ‘everybody hates bisexuals’, so she is trying ‘to be just a lesbian’.
For that matter, Jamie herself makes some bi-hating comments to her bisexual ex-girlfriend.
Furthermore, there is a character who has a specific sexual repulsion. She’s not repulsed by sex in general, but she reacts negatively to … well, I won’t spoil it. It does undermine her confidence in her sexual identity, and since she presents herself outwardly as being Very Confidently Non-Heterosexual, she tries to cover up this insecurity.
Even though this movie is not about aces, considering how many submissions the Carnival of Aces about the ‘unassailable asexual’ received, it’s obvious that insecurity about sexual identity is a big issue among aces. I think aces in general, particularly aces who struggle with being (or not being) the “unassailable asexual” would benefit from seeing this movie. Besides, it’s hilarious.
Does asexuality come up in the movie? Actually, the word ‘asexual’ (clearly describing the sexual orientation) is used exactly once in the movie. I feel that that angle is not nearly as interesting as the overall theme of how insecurity hurts people, so if someone wants a blog post about it, somebody else is going to have to write it.