So, to sum up this series:
– I wanted to make a space for talking about mixed and negative experiences with nonsexual touch
– I talked about compulsory hugging
– I talked about how complicated touch is with my parents
– I talked about being indoctrinated with the ‘everyone needs touch’ meme
– I talked about unlearning that meme
– I talked about how some people present asexuals as being very touchy-feely to legitimize asexual relationships, or even to assert that asexuals are ‘like everyone else’
As Aqua points out in their submission, nonsexual touch is devalued and erased in favor of sexual activity. Aqua suggests that this is why the ethics of nonsexual touch are less developed than ethics of sex. I agree with Aqua. As I wrote this series, I found that discussion of consent in nonsexual touch is way, way, way less developed than discussion of consent in sexual situations. That is not to say there isn’t still a lot of work needed in the realm of sexual ethics, but I do think the discussion of ethics in nonsexual touch is so far behind because nonsexual touch is devalued.
This series has been more difficult to write than any other set of posts on this blog so far.
I think that’s partially because I was already confident in my asexuality when I started this blog, so I skipped writing ‘does this mean I am asexual, does it mean I’m not, am I grey-asexual, WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN!’ type posts (there is nothing wrong with posts like that, I simply was no longer in a place to write about that when this blog started). Also, I generally tend to write about ideas which have been chewed on by a lot of other people, so composing my own comments generally requires not so much effort.
But for this series I did not find so many pre-existing discussions of the ideas I wanted to discuss – which meant I had to do more digesting myself. I had to do more introspection than I generally do for this blog, and I had to analyze my observations more carefully.
I hope this will make things easier for other people who want to discuss these ideas, even if they disagree with me.
More than most things I post on this blog, this series consists of ‘notes which do not fit’. When I picked that title for this blog, I thought of this blog as being a place where I would put thoughts which wouldn’t appear or fit anywhere else. I don’t always live up to that – after all, people tend to mimic each other’s thoughts – but this time, I think I did fulfil that purpose.