Why I Identify as ‘Aromantic’ and Not ‘WTF/quoiromantic’

NOTE: I am only speaking about myself, and nothing in this post should be interpreted as a prescription for how anybody else should identify.

I feel like my experiences have a lot in common with many people who identify as ‘WTFromantic’ or ‘quoiromantic’. For example, I am often unsure what ‘romance’ is, and whether certain experiences I’ve had are romantic or not.

So why do I still call myself ‘aromantic’?

First of all, by the time I was really conscious of terms such as ‘WTFromantic’, I was already comfortable with IDing as ‘aromantic’.

I also feel that I’ve established that, whatever romance is, I do not experience to nearly the same degree as most adults do. I originally typed ‘same way’, but there is such diversity in how people experience romance that I think it is the degree, and not the way, which distinguishes me from the majority.

Identifying as ‘aromantic’ to me means “I don’t entirely get ‘romance’, but I think I understand it well enough to figure out that it is mostly not relevant to my life”. And I still prefer the term ‘aromantic’ to ‘quoiromantic’ when describing myself because ‘aromantic’ much more clearly indicates that I do not consider myself someone who participates in ‘romance’ AND that I think I understand romance well enough to know that I am not experiencing what most people mean by ‘romantic’ feelings.

Of course, ‘WTFromantic/quoiromantic’ and ‘aromantic’ are not mutually exclusive, as luvtheheaven demonstrates.

Maybe, if I had been introduced to the concept of ‘WTFromantic/quoiromantic’ at an earlier time, I would have chosen that lable over ‘aromantic’. Or maybe not. However, ‘aromantic’ is my broken-in pair of shoes with regards to romantic orientation, and as long as it’s a comfortable fit, I’m keeping it.

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9 thoughts on “Why I Identify as ‘Aromantic’ and Not ‘WTF/quoiromantic’

  1. I get this a lot and should probably expand more on how I finally came to adopt aromantic as a label even after settling on wtfromantic lol. I was NOT comfortable yet with aromantic when I first heard about WTFromantic and even quoiromantic as terms, but now…

    Anyway thank you so much for sharing. 😉

  2. This is the exact dilemma I had for a while–which term best suits me? And I think for me I’ve chosen WTFromantic because the confusion over what romance is is the main part of my experience right now. I have feelings and attractions and desires, but I just cannot figure out if they classify as romantic attraction or not. Even if they do I’m sure I’d be more “demi” than pure “a”, but at least for now I’m so lost and confused that that is the defining feature of my romantic orientation. Thank you for sharing your own experience with it!

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  5. Pingback: Why “Romantic Orientation Does Not Apply” Does Not Cut It (For Me) – From Fandom to Family: Sharing my many thoughts

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