A Novel Featuring a Non-Sexual/Non-Romantic Intimate Relationship

I recently finished reading Shén​ Tōu​ Tiān​xià​ (神偷天下), which roughly means ‘The Fantastic Theft of the World’. Here’s a quote (note: I’m cutting out the spoilerful parts of this conversation):

尹獨行直望著他，說道..「她為你…吃盡苦頭，險些送命，你二人又是心意相通的知心伴侶。怎地你不娶她…」

楚瀚一呆，說道..「娶百里緞？我怎能娶她」

尹獨行道..「為何不能？」

楚瀚說道..「我從來也沒動念要娶她。她不是我能娶得了的，她是……」一時不知該如何解釋，想了許久，最後才道..「她就如同我自己一般。她好似我身上的一個傷疤，無論如何都會永遠跟著我，不會離開。我不必娶她，也不能娶她。」

Yin Duxing stared at him, and said, “She has … suffered so much for you, and almost died. Your affections are mutual, and you two are loving partners. Why don’t you marry her…?”

Chu Han, surprised, said, “Marry Bailiduan? How could I marry her?”

Yin Duxing asked, “Why wouldn’t you be able marry her?”

Chu Han said, “I never thought of marrying her. I can’t marry her, she is…” At first he didn’t know how to explain. He thought for a good long time, and then said, “It’s as if she and I are one. She is like a scar on my body, no matter what, it will always be with me, and never leave. I don’t need to marry her, and cannot marry her’.

And thus Chu Han discovers just how difficult it is to describe emotionally intimate relationships which are not based on romance or family kinship.

The novel specifically says that Chu Han and Bailiduan’s relationship is non-sexual. Word of God says it’s also non-romantic. I would add (my interpretation, which I admit somewhat contradicts Word of God) that Chu Han and Bailiduan are also not friends. Or perhaps, most accurately, they are ‘frenemies’.

And yet … they love each other more than anybody else in the world.

So what do non-sexual/romantic/friendly intimate partners do? In this case, their top two shared activities are:

1) sleeping together (for real, not as a pseudo-euphemism for sex)
2) listening to each other breathe

They understand each other’s thinking so well that they do not feel a need to express themselves with words, hence they don’t talk much. Mainly, they just want to be together.

Chu Han is definitely not an ace, and there is no evidence that Bailiduan is an ace either. Both of them have sex with other people, and Chu Han also experiences some romantic feelings. In a way, that makes this even more interesting, since they love and care more about each other than they do about their sexual/romantic partners – Chu Han loves Bailiduan more than even his own blood kin (which is a HUGE deal in Chinese culture).

Now, this is a story in which, among other things, there is a poison so potent that even looking at it will cause the victim to age 80 years within days. I suspect most readers of the novel will consider Baliduan and Chu Han’s two-people/one-heart intimate relationship to be as much a work of fantasy as that poison. Yet I have experienced a relationship like this. It was very brief, and certainly never got nearly as deep as Baliduan/Chu Han, but I know this kind of non-sexual/non-romantic/non-friendly intimate relationship can really happen.

I am very happy to see this kind of intimate relationship featured in a bestselling novel. Maybe it will open some minds.

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